My story of 2010



Dear Blog,

                  I apologize for abandoning you for so long....I assure you though its all because of good things. So here is my story for this year. I passed my first semester at Christ Hospital Nursing School with.......*drum rolls* and 'A'. Man does that feel good!!!! Its been a tough semester full of sweat blood and tears but I have never been more happier. I worked so incredibly hard to get that A and I am so proud of myself. KUDOS FOR ME!!! So other than school this year has been interesting...I've lost friends, made some new ones, made some bad choices, made some very good ones, but I guess that's  how everyones life goes, no big surprise. What's different about me after this long but good year is that for once in a very very long time I put everything else aside and concentrated on ME. School was first when it came to everyone and everything. Its kind of paved the way for me because seeing the great outcome of that, I'm just going to continue on the path of putting what I want first. I don't mean that in a selfish, I don't give a fuck about you way. More like a this what I want, I'm going to fight to acheive it, and I don't want any UNECESSARY bullshit or drama in the way.  I believe in my heart, truly that things will only get better for me. If I'm happy with myself, then I can be happy with everyone else..its goes hand in hand with that "If I don't love myself, than no one else will" phrase.   I am looking forward, so very much to finishing school, to starting my career, to moving out and definitely to finding love. I'm ready for my life to start, ready to branch out, ready for EVERYTHING. Looking back at the past few years, I've realized that I've let so many opportunities pass me by. Let so many things slip through my fingers. I don't want to do that anymore, not ever. It's too painful. Too see all of the things you wanted....vanish. This has been a year of tears, laughs, loss, success but most of all of enlightenment. I see things in a whole new way. A happier way. So cheers for the years coming. Success is scary, but I've tasted a bit of it and I want more.

...............................................

to my biggest fan...talk about enlightenment...

Carlos Valera, Una Palabra...

"Una verdad no dice nada
y al mismo tiempo lo esconde todo
como una hoguera que no se apaga
como una piedra que nace polvo."- Carlos Valera.

TWENTY-FIVE

I'm turning 25 this saturday & I have no idea where the past 10 years have went. Time passes wayyyyyy too fast. So..just an update on my life. I'm back in school and it feels absolutely amazing. I am so happy that I'm back. Its been about 6 weeks since I have started the nursing program and I am so proud of myself. I have truly dedicated myself to studying and school work....and my job. Though my job has actually taken a back seat to this Nursing thing. I'm working a lot less and studying a lot more. I mean I see the material in my sleep. Working less is not easy... I need MONEY....we all need money but hey I know it will all be worth it in the end when I finally have my diploma and Im working in a hospital. I'm so excited...I KNOW that this is my time. Anyway back to this whole turning 25 thing. Is it me or does celebrating your birthday get overrated as time flies by. It's not that I'm not excited about my birthday, I mean everyone gets excited but Im just not jumping up and down and making plans and inviting the whole world to some big ass club to dance and drink the night away with me....like I usually do. I mean I am having some drinks don't get me wrong but 5 people are probably invited to come with me. I feel the only reason why I'm actually going out is because I haven't really been around anything but nursing students in the past month. I need a night out....but if i wasn't really feeling suffocated by nursing diagnoses...I'd prob just put on some sweats, rent some movies, and have a glass of wine. lol DEPRESSING right??


More than anything though what I want for my birthday is........love......no big surprise there. lol I want to feel butterflies again dammit. I haven't felt butterflies in such a long time...actually no wait I have.....but I ignored them until they went away lol...I guess I was scared or whatever...but I don't know I've spent 5 birthdays alone since I was 19....alone meaning without a significant other and I'm just tired of being lonely....so....to you my love...if you're out there somewhere just find me already....take my breath away with a kiss...

I Find You..Within These Lines..

Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.

Escribir, por ejemplo: 'La noche está estrellada,
y tiritan, azules, los astros, a lo lejos.'
El viento de la noche gira en el cielo y canta.
Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.


Yo la quise, y a veces ella también me quiso.
En las noches como ésta la tuve entre mis brazos.
La besé tantas veces bajo el cielo infinito.


Ella me quiso, a veces yo también la quería.
Cómo no haber amado sus grandes ojos fijos.
Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.
Pensar que no la tengo. Sentir que la he perdido.
Oir la noche inmensa, más inmnesa sin ella.
Y el verso cae al alma como al pasto el rocío.


Qué importa que mi amor no pudiera guadarla.
La noche está estrellada y ella no está conmigo.
Eso es todo. A lo lejos alguien canta. A lo lejos.
Mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.
Como para acercarla mi mirada la busca.
Mi corazón la busca, y ella no está conmigo.
La misma noche que hace blanquear los mismos árboles.
Nosotros, los de entonces, ya no somos los mismos.


Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero cuánto la quise.
Mi voz buscaba el viento para tocar su oído.
De otro. Será de otro. Como antes de mis besos.
Su voz, su cuerpo claro. Sus ojos infinitos.
Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero tal vez la quiero.
Es tan corto el amor, y es tan largo el olvido.
Porque en noches como ésta la tuve entre mis brazos,
mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.


Aunque éste sea el último dolor que ella me causa,
y éstos sean los últimos versos que yo le escribo.
 
-Pablo Neruda

I'm Good.

Time passes and it doesn't wait for you when you've fallen behind.

I changed a long long time ago....too bad you weren't around to see this.

I'm good....the way I am now......better than I ever been before.

Just don't know why it took me this long

........to be strong.

Be about It.

If you speak about it, you should be about it, not just preach about it all day. Cause if you don't you run the risk of chasing some of the most beautiful people away, and it is never my intention to discourage you- rather encourage you to change your life today.



(Lyfe Jennings)

I Live for Moments Like These.

So....this weekend was filled of romantic comedies, ice cream, LifeHouse, 3 doors down, and fantasies of my very own Edward Cullen.  I'll admit I was a twi-hard fan...at least with the books. The movies are ok..I really wouldn't camp out under a tent for the premieres but I can't help but gush with all of Edwards romantic gestures.

Anyway..I sometimes go through these "moments" where I live in these "movies" where a guy is completely gushing over me and sweeps me off my feet lol. I can't help it. I am a hopeless romantic....and its fun....anyway here are some things that completely made me blush and smile over the weekend.



Spain's Soccer captain Casillas interrupts his reporter girlfriend in the middle of an interview...to kiss her <3. Such a cutie.

" I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist."

Michael Bublé's Just haven't met you yet....adorable song.

Lifehouse's Hanging by a Moment.



"You make me feel like the prettiest woman like ever.
Oh and you aren't?
Well I don't think I am No...but you make me feel like I am."

-Dee

Open Heart...Closed Lips

Heart bursting with emotions...
My face refuses to show...
Thoughts racing
......brake......
My lips don't have the courage to say.
It's a burning pain,
like phenol dripping down my skin.
I am a torch.
But you can't tell.

"It's all a role we play really."
So why not just say whatever the fuck it is we really feel.

Because then it just makes this all too damn real.
Hurt is invisible when we are playing pretend.
So........I smile.