lost in my own thoughts

so I've been a bit torn lately...I was thinking.....overanalyzing really..the relationships that I have in my life. All my life I've had a handful of friends. I've literally been hanging out with the same people since like 4th grade. I love my friends....but lately I don't really LIKE them. I don't have a problem with ALL of them just certain ones.  I've had people walk in and out of my life just as much as the next guy, but why is it so hard for me to walk away from things/people that I'm having a real issue with? I've just been feeling lately like I have nothing in common with these people anymore. How did we become so different and where do you take it from there? What happens when you wake up one day and realize that you don't enjoy the person that your friend, or partner or who ever has become. Do you cut them off? Would you really have a relationship with this person if you hadn't known them all your life? We've changed, but we just keep hanging on...why??

Am I this person that doesn't have the courage to walk away...so I wait to be walked away from?

Maybe I'm just bored...in need of a fresh start..of fresh faces....which I was surrounded by in Nursing School but I haven't really opened up to these new people...my insecurities have built up this wall that just keeps me from going out and fully engaging with these new people. It's like Im stuck in this world of the same things over and over again....its what I'm used to......but all of a sudden its become uncomfortable....and I just don't know what to do.  ugh.

Dee

Shiraz and some Me Time...

Hey blog. So its been a couple of weeks and it has been great being off from school. I feel like I have so much time now. Just trying to decide what exactly to fill my time with. I've been working full time no which after a year of not doing so..really sucks ass. But the money is good so Thank God for that. I've been reading, and drinking wine(drinking some Shiraz right now btw) and taking lil trips to the city..and planning for a great summer. Oh... I got a tattoo.

and I love it.

so for those of you who hate tattoos I'm sorry or I'm not.lol....It's been quiet......I've had a lot of me time...and a lot of  fun.. Memorial weekend was great...mmm with a few blah moments. but I guess its just the beginning. Next year by now I will be graduating, hopefully. It's been a great couple of weeks..sooo looking forward to the rest.



So Happy I Could Cry.

But I won't ;)

That's me up there on the right in the operating room.

I am finally done with the first year of Nursing School.

Finished this last semester with a B+

I can't really explain how amazing this feels.

How proud I am of myself.

1 year done. 1 more to go.

Now....I'm ready for an amazing summer.

P.S.
So many of you believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. Thank You.

Love,
Me.

I'm just a soul who's intentions are goooooooodddddddd ....

so so sorry for abandoning you for such a long time bloggers,,,,and then writing that horrific drunk blog last week. lol. we all have our weak moments don't we? so. catching up time? yes. so i've been good, on my last week of schoo,l actually taking a break from studying from my final right now. I've been studying for the past 4 days so far. Final's on Thursday and I have to say I'm not at all nervous. More like "come on let's get this over with" anyway...ask me tomorrow lol lol. Mother's day just passed and My famz and I went to this place called Rumba Cubano to have dinner. OMG amazing cuban food...and cheap too...hey what more can you ask for.

I've been feeling really happy lately..hmmm don't know what it is lol. Maybe it's because after a year of Nursing school torture, I'm actually getting a longgggg break. So excited for the summer and for what's in store for me..cuz I know it will be great... That's if the world doesn't end..or if I don't chosen on judgement day which is on May 21 according to Harold Camping... yea....I google lol....but hey just in case that really is our dooms day, until that day comes....I'll be living my life...happily, day by day. :) Moving on...I've been listening to some great music lately man...old songs...and some new ones that I'm just like woa. I've actually had to stay away from listening to my ipod because if I do....then I can't study. Its like I get into this muscial,,,amazing trance. lol anyway here are some downloading worthy songs.

Reminded- Tyga ft. Adele
Bound to you- Cristina Aguilera
Ex-factor- Lauryn Hill just in case you didn't have that
Someone to Love Me- Mary J. Blige, Diddy, and Lil Wayne...takes me back to that 90s feel.
Moon and the Sky- Sade and Jay Z....just lovely
Rolling in the Deep- Adele
I Need a Doctor- Eminem, Dr. Dre and Skylar Grey


PLEASE DON'T LET ME BE MISUNDERSTOOD-NINA SIMONE.....in capatitals...just cuz it's so damn good.

Hope you like:) there are so many more but I have to get back to studying.
sorry.

LOVE,
a happy (please Lord don't let me get off this high lol) Dar. xoxo

...

What is it? Why is it....?? that what we want what just doesn't want us back.....or why is it that we want what we just can't have. I just don't understand. I want it so fuckin bad...so why can't I ...why won't I...have it......why?

It's Cinco de Mayo...I'v had too much vodka....and I just. don't.understand. FUCK............FUCK.

1 a.m. and Home Alone...

How often I've fantasized of you being here.
You come to my door in the middle of the night, like a forbidden love.

I wear flannel shorts and an old t-shirt. you play with my hair
My cheek finds the perfect spot on your shoulder.
My lips barely but so....flawlessly grazing against your neck.

we talk of books, and movies,
of friends, and family
love,
loss,
everything.

we lay...never counting the minutes,
time..stops just then.
&  nothing else matters.
 la gioia di essere solo
(la delicia de estar solos)

It's 1 am...I am home alone....& .I fantasize of you my love, whoever you may be.


-dee.
<3

I Kiss My Life...

I repeat a quote I used in a last blog just because I've become quite an aquaintance to this situation, one too many times.




"things change. people leave. but life doesn't stop for anybody." (well unless you die).

I have to stop being this person that thinks she is ALWAYS doing something wrong. I mean I know I've made mistakes but...damn. Sometimes I just don't deserve the bullshit treatment I get. & it comes in so many different ways. It's about friends who abandon you, guys who break your heart, fathers who lie, coworkers who talk shit behind your back. Not everyone will understand you, not everyone is going to be there after a night you thought was special, not everyone will want to sit and listen when you are going through some pain. people who want to be there will. i GET it........I really do. & it's all okay.

I kiss my life because I've only got one to live.with or without you.

-dee