to all the boys I've loved before-Mayda Del Valle

fierce.

to all the boys I've loved before- Mayda Del Valle

Part 1
we are not your mothers and are not meant to be
it is not our responsibility to raise you into respectful beings
you have been weaned from the breast of a woman for years
yet you come to us wounded and half filled with promises you can only keep half the time
trying to suckle our sense of self dry
we’ve become much to accustomed to sleepless nights and damp pillows, have become accustomed to waiting for our empty beds...
to be weighed down with the bodies of men heavy with the scent and the hands of other women
mornings with swollen puffy eyes are becoming routine and we simply wanting to be loved
simply wanting to be able to love ourselves unconditionally
simply wanting to be held and feel safe
simply wanting the truth of whether you can really love us or not
play Hester Prynn!!
wear scarlet letters on our chests
become adulteresses cheating ourselves out of what we truly deserve
willing to settle for less
willing to act like a little less than a goddesses
willing to sleep with the enemy
men too scared to stop acting like boys
thinking we can love away their scars
so we take the lashes of the insecurities they pour on us
and lick our wounds in quiet mourning for the little girls we lose by the minute
fast fading memories of playing hopscotch and skippin’ rope
we now play freeze tag with each other’s hearts...
play hide and seek with our love
if we just don’t breathe maybe we won’t get caught up in the spider’s web we weave while waiting for what we give away to be returned

part 2:
you said you had a photographic memory
but apparently you forgot that honesty begins by being real with yourself
and the ones you claim you love
should have never wasted my time
and just acted like the man you claimed and told the world you were
made a production of setting my folks at ease with tales of how you’d do all it ever took to never break my heart
I guess you thought you were talking to a roomful of the deaf and blind
figured they didn’t hear you
cuz I never saw it coming
but the truth cannot be hidden
what’s clouded in darkness will always come to light my love...
you shoulda known that
claiming you saw my light so clearly and brightly
so I left
chasing paper trails of promises you’d already set on fire
left with nothing but the ashes of who you’d written that you were
and singed fingers from trying to grasp the impossible
and the only thing I’ve really lost are lukewarm kisses that for too long I kept trying to tune the beat of my heart, a few lies, and stories about honesty and truth
I guess shit happens
I just wish it wasn’t me
and I guess
it’s so much better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all
I know that’s some easy shit to say
but I’m still gonna try to live by it
I’m still gonna try to put my faith to rest in it
I will sleep on dry pillows now in a bed big enough to love myself in
I will awake these coming mornings with my eyes dry and shining
full of the knowledge I am priceless and worth nothing but honesty
I will remove the scarlet letter from my chest and hold the hand of the little girl I used to be
and say I’m sorry to her
I’m sorry for cheating you out of the joy you have always deserved
&
I will wait for a man to come along
that can give me the truth of how much he can really love me

-amazing
Mayda Del Valle....a standing ovation for you my dear.

Good Night Folks.
DEE.