can't wait to get to a road with a little less bumps.

in a scary place right now. I've had...the most difficult time the passed couple of months.  I've always had some reason to complain about my life...always felt incredibly pained, angry, depressed about one thing or another.  as I look back, I find myself wanting to bang my head against a table...for all those times I've cried about shit that didn't matter...got angry about shit that wasn't worth it.  As you all know my mom has two aneurysms and making sure that she is ok...making sure I get her to her appointments...making sure she has the right insurance has been my priority. & let me tell you it has been and incredibly bumpy road. I remember sitting down at the dining room table crying histerically to the woman on the phone while she told me for the 100th stime  that my mom was still not eligible for any type of health insurance...and Im thinking what do I do Lord? What do I have to do to get her insurance because I'm so scared that if we don't get this resolved soon my mom is going to die. We don't have 40,000 dollars for this surgery and believe it or not a hospital WILL deny you care if you can't pay..BELIEVE ME.  Every person I spoke to shut me down. So...for the past 4 months I've been  talking to whoever at whereever in order to get this shit resolved & after changing the surgery date many times..after speaking and going to all these different places.. I finally did. Her surgery is next week.(the day before my 210 nursing final btw) I've never been more exhausted. I've never been more scared. I've never thought this much about death...and I never really thought about the day my mom would no longer be here. Lately...... it seems to be  all I think about.