This Too Will Pass....I Promise Myself.

It fills up with words that remain unsaid between the world and I. Words I want to scream out loud. Questions that I have, insecurities I wish would crumble. As days go by I find it harder to breathe...harder to stay awake because the thoughts go away once I fall asleep. I don't know what to do to make it right. Don't know why I NEED to make it right. Unhappy and don't even know the reasons why. When I get the courage to speak the words don't make sense and what I actually feel...what I actually mean is drowned out by opinion, manipulation, interpretations. The words are inrecognizable to me. Why do I care? What they think? It really is never going to be good enough. Why am I not strong? I don't understand myself. Turn me inside out and it still it can't be seen. I need someone or someTHING...I call out..I can be heard...but impossible to be LISTENED to.....I am alone...I WANT to be alone....and at the same time I DON'T...because I am scared.....scared to finally understand and not like what I have found. Who I really am has lost herself in who they want me to be... in who they think I am...I don't know the difference anymore......My mind.....it fills up with words that remain unsaid between the world and I & so I am undone. I have a headache....I have a heartache...talking no longer makes the pain go away. & this pain has nothing to do with THEM and everything to do with ME.