My story of 2010



Dear Blog,

                  I apologize for abandoning you for so long....I assure you though its all because of good things. So here is my story for this year. I passed my first semester at Christ Hospital Nursing School with.......*drum rolls* and 'A'. Man does that feel good!!!! Its been a tough semester full of sweat blood and tears but I have never been more happier. I worked so incredibly hard to get that A and I am so proud of myself. KUDOS FOR ME!!! So other than school this year has been interesting...I've lost friends, made some new ones, made some bad choices, made some very good ones, but I guess that's  how everyones life goes, no big surprise. What's different about me after this long but good year is that for once in a very very long time I put everything else aside and concentrated on ME. School was first when it came to everyone and everything. Its kind of paved the way for me because seeing the great outcome of that, I'm just going to continue on the path of putting what I want first. I don't mean that in a selfish, I don't give a fuck about you way. More like a this what I want, I'm going to fight to acheive it, and I don't want any UNECESSARY bullshit or drama in the way.  I believe in my heart, truly that things will only get better for me. If I'm happy with myself, then I can be happy with everyone else..its goes hand in hand with that "If I don't love myself, than no one else will" phrase.   I am looking forward, so very much to finishing school, to starting my career, to moving out and definitely to finding love. I'm ready for my life to start, ready to branch out, ready for EVERYTHING. Looking back at the past few years, I've realized that I've let so many opportunities pass me by. Let so many things slip through my fingers. I don't want to do that anymore, not ever. It's too painful. Too see all of the things you wanted....vanish. This has been a year of tears, laughs, loss, success but most of all of enlightenment. I see things in a whole new way. A happier way. So cheers for the years coming. Success is scary, but I've tasted a bit of it and I want more.

...............................................

to my biggest fan...talk about enlightenment...

Carlos Valera, Una Palabra...

"Una verdad no dice nada
y al mismo tiempo lo esconde todo
como una hoguera que no se apaga
como una piedra que nace polvo."- Carlos Valera.

TWENTY-FIVE

I'm turning 25 this saturday & I have no idea where the past 10 years have went. Time passes wayyyyyy too fast. So..just an update on my life. I'm back in school and it feels absolutely amazing. I am so happy that I'm back. Its been about 6 weeks since I have started the nursing program and I am so proud of myself. I have truly dedicated myself to studying and school work....and my job. Though my job has actually taken a back seat to this Nursing thing. I'm working a lot less and studying a lot more. I mean I see the material in my sleep. Working less is not easy... I need MONEY....we all need money but hey I know it will all be worth it in the end when I finally have my diploma and Im working in a hospital. I'm so excited...I KNOW that this is my time. Anyway back to this whole turning 25 thing. Is it me or does celebrating your birthday get overrated as time flies by. It's not that I'm not excited about my birthday, I mean everyone gets excited but Im just not jumping up and down and making plans and inviting the whole world to some big ass club to dance and drink the night away with me....like I usually do. I mean I am having some drinks don't get me wrong but 5 people are probably invited to come with me. I feel the only reason why I'm actually going out is because I haven't really been around anything but nursing students in the past month. I need a night out....but if i wasn't really feeling suffocated by nursing diagnoses...I'd prob just put on some sweats, rent some movies, and have a glass of wine. lol DEPRESSING right??


More than anything though what I want for my birthday is........love......no big surprise there. lol I want to feel butterflies again dammit. I haven't felt butterflies in such a long time...actually no wait I have.....but I ignored them until they went away lol...I guess I was scared or whatever...but I don't know I've spent 5 birthdays alone since I was 19....alone meaning without a significant other and I'm just tired of being lonely....so....to you my love...if you're out there somewhere just find me already....take my breath away with a kiss...

I Find You..Within These Lines..

Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.

Escribir, por ejemplo: 'La noche está estrellada,
y tiritan, azules, los astros, a lo lejos.'
El viento de la noche gira en el cielo y canta.
Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.


Yo la quise, y a veces ella también me quiso.
En las noches como ésta la tuve entre mis brazos.
La besé tantas veces bajo el cielo infinito.


Ella me quiso, a veces yo también la quería.
Cómo no haber amado sus grandes ojos fijos.
Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.
Pensar que no la tengo. Sentir que la he perdido.
Oir la noche inmensa, más inmnesa sin ella.
Y el verso cae al alma como al pasto el rocío.


Qué importa que mi amor no pudiera guadarla.
La noche está estrellada y ella no está conmigo.
Eso es todo. A lo lejos alguien canta. A lo lejos.
Mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.
Como para acercarla mi mirada la busca.
Mi corazón la busca, y ella no está conmigo.
La misma noche que hace blanquear los mismos árboles.
Nosotros, los de entonces, ya no somos los mismos.


Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero cuánto la quise.
Mi voz buscaba el viento para tocar su oído.
De otro. Será de otro. Como antes de mis besos.
Su voz, su cuerpo claro. Sus ojos infinitos.
Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero tal vez la quiero.
Es tan corto el amor, y es tan largo el olvido.
Porque en noches como ésta la tuve entre mis brazos,
mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.


Aunque éste sea el último dolor que ella me causa,
y éstos sean los últimos versos que yo le escribo.
 
-Pablo Neruda

I'm Good.

Time passes and it doesn't wait for you when you've fallen behind.

I changed a long long time ago....too bad you weren't around to see this.

I'm good....the way I am now......better than I ever been before.

Just don't know why it took me this long

........to be strong.

Be about It.

If you speak about it, you should be about it, not just preach about it all day. Cause if you don't you run the risk of chasing some of the most beautiful people away, and it is never my intention to discourage you- rather encourage you to change your life today.



(Lyfe Jennings)

I Live for Moments Like These.

So....this weekend was filled of romantic comedies, ice cream, LifeHouse, 3 doors down, and fantasies of my very own Edward Cullen.  I'll admit I was a twi-hard fan...at least with the books. The movies are ok..I really wouldn't camp out under a tent for the premieres but I can't help but gush with all of Edwards romantic gestures.

Anyway..I sometimes go through these "moments" where I live in these "movies" where a guy is completely gushing over me and sweeps me off my feet lol. I can't help it. I am a hopeless romantic....and its fun....anyway here are some things that completely made me blush and smile over the weekend.



Spain's Soccer captain Casillas interrupts his reporter girlfriend in the middle of an interview...to kiss her <3. Such a cutie.

" I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist."

Michael Bublé's Just haven't met you yet....adorable song.

Lifehouse's Hanging by a Moment.



"You make me feel like the prettiest woman like ever.
Oh and you aren't?
Well I don't think I am No...but you make me feel like I am."

-Dee

Open Heart...Closed Lips

Heart bursting with emotions...
My face refuses to show...
Thoughts racing
......brake......
My lips don't have the courage to say.
It's a burning pain,
like phenol dripping down my skin.
I am a torch.
But you can't tell.

"It's all a role we play really."
So why not just say whatever the fuck it is we really feel.

Because then it just makes this all too damn real.
Hurt is invisible when we are playing pretend.
So........I smile.

I've Decided...

I am saving up because I have to go to Italy.

I absolutely and positively have to.

Drunken Kisses.

You taste of mangoes in the summer time.
Your scent still lingers all around me.
Your lips have left stains all over my body.

I breath you in and become intoxicated.
And I never want to come off your drug.
My thirst for you never quenches.
My need for you....insatiable.

Kiss me and don't ever stop.
Not ever again.

On My Playlist...

Bruno Mars-

The talented dude behind the catchy chorus of Nothin On You - B.O.B and Travie Mcoy's Billionaire . He just released his EP album - It's Better if You Don't Understand.

Though he's collaborated with many other artist and co-wrote many hits...I think this album will be what finally puts him out there----well at least to us. Check him out. I give him 2 thumbs up.

The Other Side ft. Cee Lo and B.O.B. -------------LOVE IT.

By the way B.O.B.(mentioned above) is also another artist making his mark out there. Check out Airplanes with Parmore's Hayley Willams and Eminem......

Pretty Fuckin Awesome Collabo.

Mamita Bella ....My Beautiful Mother..Happy Mother's Day

"Dear Mama,"---Tupac Shakur

'Cuz through the drama, I can always depend on my mama

And when it seems that I'm hopeless

You say the words that can get me back in focus

When I was sick as a little kid

To keep me happy, there's no limit to the things you did

And all my childhood memories

Are full of all the sweet things you did for me

And even though I act crazy...I got to thank the Lord the you made me

There are no words that can express how I feel

You never kept a secret, always stayed real

And I appreciate how you raised me

And all the extra love that you gave me

I wish I could take the pain away

If you can make it through the night, there's a brighter day

Everything will be alright if you hold on

It's a struggle, everyday gotta roll on

And there's no way I can pay you back

But my plan is to show you that I understand

You are appreciated

Sweet lady

I'm sure these lyrics pertain to whole different kind of situation..... but Madre Mia...

You are appreciated...

-TE AMO. ♥

Darleny.

P.S.

I made the most amazing lasagna for my mother today....and I say this because I made two trays and they were gone in less than an hour lol ........*kudos for me* ...I'm Happy today just because my mommy is :)

to all the boys I've loved before-Mayda Del Valle

fierce.

to all the boys I've loved before- Mayda Del Valle

Part 1
we are not your mothers and are not meant to be
it is not our responsibility to raise you into respectful beings
you have been weaned from the breast of a woman for years
yet you come to us wounded and half filled with promises you can only keep half the time
trying to suckle our sense of self dry
we’ve become much to accustomed to sleepless nights and damp pillows, have become accustomed to waiting for our empty beds...
to be weighed down with the bodies of men heavy with the scent and the hands of other women
mornings with swollen puffy eyes are becoming routine and we simply wanting to be loved
simply wanting to be able to love ourselves unconditionally
simply wanting to be held and feel safe
simply wanting the truth of whether you can really love us or not
play Hester Prynn!!
wear scarlet letters on our chests
become adulteresses cheating ourselves out of what we truly deserve
willing to settle for less
willing to act like a little less than a goddesses
willing to sleep with the enemy
men too scared to stop acting like boys
thinking we can love away their scars
so we take the lashes of the insecurities they pour on us
and lick our wounds in quiet mourning for the little girls we lose by the minute
fast fading memories of playing hopscotch and skippin’ rope
we now play freeze tag with each other’s hearts...
play hide and seek with our love
if we just don’t breathe maybe we won’t get caught up in the spider’s web we weave while waiting for what we give away to be returned

part 2:
you said you had a photographic memory
but apparently you forgot that honesty begins by being real with yourself
and the ones you claim you love
should have never wasted my time
and just acted like the man you claimed and told the world you were
made a production of setting my folks at ease with tales of how you’d do all it ever took to never break my heart
I guess you thought you were talking to a roomful of the deaf and blind
figured they didn’t hear you
cuz I never saw it coming
but the truth cannot be hidden
what’s clouded in darkness will always come to light my love...
you shoulda known that
claiming you saw my light so clearly and brightly
so I left
chasing paper trails of promises you’d already set on fire
left with nothing but the ashes of who you’d written that you were
and singed fingers from trying to grasp the impossible
and the only thing I’ve really lost are lukewarm kisses that for too long I kept trying to tune the beat of my heart, a few lies, and stories about honesty and truth
I guess shit happens
I just wish it wasn’t me
and I guess
it’s so much better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all
I know that’s some easy shit to say
but I’m still gonna try to live by it
I’m still gonna try to put my faith to rest in it
I will sleep on dry pillows now in a bed big enough to love myself in
I will awake these coming mornings with my eyes dry and shining
full of the knowledge I am priceless and worth nothing but honesty
I will remove the scarlet letter from my chest and hold the hand of the little girl I used to be
and say I’m sorry to her
I’m sorry for cheating you out of the joy you have always deserved
&
I will wait for a man to come along
that can give me the truth of how much he can really love me

-amazing
Mayda Del Valle....a standing ovation for you my dear.

Good Night Folks.
DEE.

Motivation!! Get On It!!

Keep Going

Keep Learning

Keep Working

and

Keep Getting Better

E V E R Y D A Y

Every Effort Gets YOU closer.

-Marston

is key.

Let's Talk About SEX Baby...

So this is going to get personal but hey it's my blog. I had a textversation with this guy who apparently likes me. It went sort of like this.

He tells me that he hasn't had sex in 4 months, how he desperately wants some and how he can't stop thinking about it. I tell him I can't help him in that department, at least not anytime soon. He goes on to re-assure me that he wasn't trying to hint anything at me. So I go on to tell him that he indeed was because theres really no way a guy would bring that up unless he's trying to tell me something. Anyway, I tell him this little fact about me. It usually takes me some time before I can sleep with someone. (I mean I've had my moments) but USUALLY it does. Now I haven't been sexually active for about 10 months (yeah can you say FRUSTRATED) but it's all my choice, I've had opportunities yet I haven't given in. This situation, although I think is a good thing, can at times be....fucked up. I mean there are days where you're just in the mood but for some reason having sex with someone who isn't a potential boyfriend or who I don't share mutual feelings with always leaves me feeling....dirty and alone. Is this a bad thing? I mean there are some women who really just don't give a fuck. Who have fun do their thing without necessarily feeling bad about it. I don't know to me sex always has to mean something, you should have a "connection with someone"........but really should it always be that way? Is it possible for me to have some good old fashion sex without feeling bad that it was just for fun afterwards? Perhaps I'm being a bit bold for writing something such as this but.............it's what's on my mind.

So what's my problem??
Can't I ever just seperate the emotional from the physical?
After all I'm 24, in no need for something super serious right now, and at times a girl just wants to have fun.

-Dee

Let Me Try This Your Way

So I'm going to bring myself down a few levels for this splendid occasion.
Believe you me though when I say this will be the first and last time I ever play along with this foolishness...YOUR
S T U P I D I T Y.


If I'm such a hateful bitch. Than keep my motherfucking name out of your mouth. PERIOD.



Seriously I'm not worth that much attention. Really I'm not. I mean if I'm THAT evil.



Over, Out & Never Again.

Love Darleny.

JUST SAYING....

El es absolutamente..........BELLO.

Gorgeous...

Just Sayin.

♥

IN THE RIBS.

CON LA TRISTEZA MARCADA Y CON LAGRIMAS QUE VIENEN DESDE EL FONDO DE MI ALMA....

S O L E D A D... CON DOLOR EN LAS COSTILLAS

ESA ES MI UNICA MANERA DE DESCRIBIRLO

P.S.

FEELING SOME TYPE OF WAY.

DARLENY.

Randomness Pertaining to This Past Weekend

So... Here it goes,



Now, me up there went from this honey brown headed bombshell (ha, j/k) to that down there....

A very Mocha Brown Beauty (lol there it goes again), now this is a bit of a drastic change but it was d y i n g for something new. I've done the light to dark before but I have to say I am very pleased with my new look

YAY :)

Starbuck's very refreshing Passion Tea Lemonade. Now if your looking for a summer treat with less calories than your very good but fattening caramel macchiato...go for this........I love it ♥
Very Insightful Film about an man with Asperger's Syndrome who falls for his neighbor. I enjoyed it very much and thought that Hugh Dancy's performance was perfect. Check it out, it's a treat ;)

I have to say I am very impressed with this gym. I have a week pass to this gym located in Seacaucus, 485 Meadow Blvd. Equipped with basketball court, sauna, swimming pool, food court, digital locks on the lockers (which I think is cool as hell). Now of course a gym as beautiful as this is a bit expensive....but it's no contract. Kudos for them. If interested check it out. It's a beautiful place to work out in.

Karaoke Nights on Thursday with $1 dollar drafts. I can't complain, had fun, saw some old friends of mine from highschool, very pleasant evening ;) . I wonder though If I ever would get wasted enough to go on and karaoke to Michael Jackson's Billie Jean. That would be awesomeeee. (Yes with four e's at the end.)

So this was a different blog entry for me, I had entirely too much fun doing this lol...Hope you enjoyed!! :)

-Dee

P.S.

This is the littleguy that has completely stolen my heart. Andrew...

My little brother.♥

Courtesy and Consideration Down The Fucking Drain..

So I need to rant....
because at this moment if I don't I'm going to possibly murder somebody.
So having a lil brother in the house is indeed the roller coaster I said it would be.
Though I enjoy having the little monster around and though he's crept into my heart quicker than I thought possible.
It seems I have lost all my privacy.
Now I agreed to share rooms with little dude I mean where else was he going to sleep?? My parents room? HA.
So it's a routine now, I get up, he gets up, I give him his milk, put on his fave cartoon (FUCKING DIEGO) and continue getting ready for work.
Now when I come home I want to watch some TV but I can't because Andrew is watching Diego. So I go and watch it in the living room which of course becomes a problem because God Forbid I fuck up the cushions and shit my mom has perfectly displayed on the couch.

So today, my absolutely amazing father goes to pick up my five year old nephew so that he may join my little brother Andrew and they can destroy what is left of my sanity. Now could my father have asked me if I wanted to spend my weekend picking up not only my little brothers mess but my nephew's at that. Could he have asked me if I mind, that now Andrew will have to sleep with me because both of them don't fit in his tiny bed. So I'm looking forward to a fucking great weekend of headaches, backaches, and all the other aches possible in this fucking universe.

I'm Fucking DONE~!!!!!

P.S.

It's times like these where I wish my dumbass would have made the right choices in life so I could have been graduated and moved the fuck out.
sooo pissed.

How Could This Not Be Scary...

To A Four Year Old...

Seriously what ever happened to Tom and Jerry, Rescue Rangers, Bugs Bunny!!!! yeaaaa that's right I'm blogging about cartoons but thing is I see cartoons EVERY DAY now because of Andrew. I swear if I hear GO DIEGO GO one more time I think I'm going to scream. Anyway point is Spongebob is a weird looking dude in the first place, and now they do THAT up there to him. Poor little guy, and yet Andrew finds him fascinating lol. That's his bedtime buddy. If it were me....he'd give me nightmares. O_0

That's all Folks.....DEE ;)

Spring Time Looks Like You.

I always see your face in the spring time.

In the strangest of places.

Always.

I Have A Visitor....

His name is Andrew....and he is my four year old brother. I just met him yesterday and he is the cutest thing I have ever seen. I'm not really going to get into how he came to be, but it was NERVE RACKING waiting for him to arrive. I think I was more nervous yesterday than I was the day I had to take my Nursing entrance exam. I don't know how to be a big sister lol. My mother on the other hand is so good with him. He won't talk much so I tickle him a bit to get some laughs. This is going to be a tough, weird, rollercoaster of a journey. & I welcome it with arms wide open....I'm sure my heart will follow.

Y VOLAMOS...

I'm sitting here eating my breakfast listening to Franco de Vita's song "Volamos"(We Fly) It's beautiful and it's just that kind of day. It's sunny out and it just feel amazing. Crazy what a little bird chirping and Sunlight can do. Spring is almost here and it makes life just that much better. ;) I've been..positively happy these passed couple of days. I feel like I'm floating on air and no I am not in love, I haven't met someone new, I'm just amazingly calm. I love it. I haven't felt this good in a while. Life is truly a beautiful thing and I just want to grab each moment by the balls. It's amazing what can happen when you stop caring what people think of you and start doing whatever the fuck it is that you want to do. People shouldn't have to explain themselves so damn much.

I cared too much; I was truly letting it overcome my life. & now I finally start to feel at peace. I was letting insignificant comments, things, actions, alter my emotions. Why should anyone or anything have that kind of power over you. When you can wake up absolutely drunk with happiness and next minute your stressing about not receiving a text message or seeing something on some one's facebook page (lol it happens). It's shocking when you sit back, evaluate yourself and realize that you feel disillusioned and disappointed over things that when you take a second look, are not worth it. So, time to strap on my wings...

& FLY

Dee

P.S.

"I'm gonna ride this motherfucker til the wheels fall OFF"- Martin Lawrence

Insane in the Brain

I really really really....

want to do this.

But I am terrified.

Am I crazy???

Passion Parties...EXPLICIT CONTENT

Fiesta de Passssssionn ;o).....

PASSION PARTIES. I've never been to one so I was ready for a couple of hours of humiliation and embarrassing takes on how to make your sex life breathtakingly better....wait no.....SEXIER, STEAMIER, MORE PLEASURRRABLE. I was wrong, it wasn't THAT embarrassing, it was actually quite fun and interesting. The host which is a friend of a friend, invited me because she thinks I'm awesome(just to point that out :p) was great. She had wine, appetizers and miniature sandwiches to keep our bellies satisfied while the main host arrived. Once the main host arrived, she began to fill us in on lotions, scents, oils, toys and vibrators. Now, I won't get into vibrators much, I'll leave that to your imagination but here are some things that looked, tasted, and felt good to me, ENJOY!!

• Fireworks Body Gel- this is an edible clear body lotion. Blow on the applied areas, or create friction and feel the temperature rise and it tastes yummy, the passion fruit one at least.


• Nipple Nibblers- gives your partner a tasteful surprise when you apply yeah like the title says on your nipples lol oh and your can use it on your lips too.


• Pure Instinct- is a unisex scent and it smells different on every person. I thought this was kind of cool. It's a powerful attractant and its' supposed to heighten your sexual desire...basically get you a lot hornier lol.
  
• Ready to Go -women apply it to there ummm bean lol (you know what that is people I'm being a bit bashful) and it gives them a tingling cool sensation which will intensify sexual enjoyment. One of the girls actually went to the bathroom and tried this let's just say she was turning all kinds of red lol


• Tasty Tease- is for oral sex, the woman eats it and it numbs your throat so you won't get that gag reflex and it taste good so if your swallowing and don't really like the taste..your good lol. For men, the woman can apply Sweet Sensations, it comes it different flavors so if he liked it before he'll like it even more lol.

GIGI....now GiGi is in bold because the host says she is man and woman's best friend lol. Get this...if ever it's one of thosssseeee days like "I got my period or I'm too tired or whatever" GiGi does what a females do with a little help of course lol. It's basically a masturbating sleeve. You lubricate it, apply it to your man's member and start stroking it. To a man if feels just like a real vagina because it's ribbed inside and when he's ready to ejaculate the woman can pull it back and GiGi will swallow lmao.....beautiful lol. The host actually lubricated one for us and the girls got to insert theirs fingers to feel what a man would feel. I have to say it's a pretty damn good replica of the real thing. Anyway I really don't know what's better than the REAL thing but hey I think it's great to have these options.

If you've never been to a passion party I recommend it. It's great if you want a girl's night in...and hey even invite guys (don't be selfish it's about getting them off too lol). It's fun, it's interesting and let' s face it adventurous sex is really not a bad thing.

Dee

P.S.

Ride 'Em Cow Girl---really good Illustrative book on sexual positions....yummy lol

Starry Night

I was recently introduced to Pablo Neruda's poetry. Now this man has a wayyyyyy with words. Absolutely Beautiful really is the only way to describe it. Every line is an
E X P L O T I O N of emotions.

On this snowy night, I came across this.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.Write, for example, "The night is starry and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance."

Short.Simple.Exquisite.

The Kardashians are Super Humans...lol

So, Kourtney Kardashian gave birth to her son Mason :)...it was shown on national tv this past weekend and I have to say I was amazed. This bitch truley pulled out her infant from her vajayjay....like herself. wtf??? I mean there was no panting, no screaming, no GIVE ME THE FUCKING DRUGS!!!! lol .....Chelsea Lately couldn't have put it any better.......




Seriously.

Happy.

Liked and Posted.

I'll See You Later, Papa.

So I say farewell, til the day I see you again. It's really not about letting you go, because really...............that's impossible.

Take care of the pieces of my heart that you have taken with you, I gladly give them away & when we meet again, my heart will be whole again.

I love you, Papa Bear

Siempre.

I Could See His Face

We were laughing. How quickly we are to take these moments for granted. My mother, my father and I were laughing so hard our stomaches hurt in consequence. In walking to back to my room that drunken feeling of happiness was all of a sudden shattered by my mother's cries. I turned and saw her on the phone helplessly crying looking as if she couldn't even breathe. I asked what was wrong, but I knew. With complete sadness, my father with nothing more than a whisper answers... "your grandfather is gone." The rest is chaos.

He died at home with his wife and oldest son by his side. By the time we arrived, they had all ready taken him. On the way over all I could think of was, what if he's till there? what if they hadn't come for him yet and he still ly there?.....motionless. Will I still not have the courage to say goodbye? He never got to see me, never got the proof that I cared. I was too late.

The morphine was still in his fridge along with all the other medications that would dull him from the pain. His sheets were still in the bed...his favorite blanket remained untouched since they'd taken him. I could feel him all around me...but I couldn't see his face. I wanted so bad to see his face, but I was too late.

Papa used to whistle to me when I was a child. I used to tell him to sing to me but he used to whistle instead. It was like a humming whistle though kind of different......I loved it. On our way back home, while my mother and father talked and even laughed about how great my grandfather was, I sat in silence on the backseat. In that hour, I imagined I was five and my grandfather sat and whistled next to me. I could see his face...how it was then..... I could see his face.

I love you.

A terribly sad,
Darleny

500 Days of Summer

"Narrator: This is a story of boy meets girl. The boy, Tom Hansen of Margate, New Jersey, grew up believing that he'd never truly be happy until the day he met the one. This belief stemmed from early exposure to sad British pop music and a total mis-reading of the movie 'The Graduate'. The girl, Summer Finn of Shinnecock, Michigan, did not share this belief. Since the disintegration of her parent's marriage she'd only love two things. The first was her long dark hair. The second was how easily she could cut it off and not feel a thing. Tom meets Summer on January 8th. He knows almost immediately she is who he has been searching for. This is a story of boy meets girl, but you should know upfront, this is not a love story. "


What a sweet surprise this was. I am the ultimate sucker for romantic comedies. As far as these movies go, nothing makes me happier than your typical boy meets girl>>>falls in love with girl>>>>>boy ends up with girl plot. (with some sort of conflict to overcome right smack in the middle of course) lol. This movie was different though. It's not you typical fairy tale ending but a happy one overall. More than anything....realistic. This movie is a movie that I'm sure all of us who have been in a relationship can relate to. I mean step by step I saw a little of Tom in me (lead guy played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt) It's really really a treat...so WATCH IT.





"Narrator: If Tom had learned anything... it was that you can't ascribe great cosmic significance to a simple earthly event. Coincidence. That's all anything ever is. Nothing more than coincidence. "








SERIOUSLY THOUGH>>>WATCH IT :) lol

Boyce Avenue.

"Boyce Avenue, a Florida-based band popular for its strong acoustic roots and melodic rock sound, consists of the three brothers Alejandro, Fabian, and Daniel Manzano" This cover of Apologize by OneRepublic is awesome. I think I actually like it more than the original version. Anyway, this band does covers starting from Omarion, to Rihanna, to the Verve Pipe. Kudos for them...really talented.



By the way I love his hands.(the one playing the piano whose name is Alejandro)...just sayin lol

P.S.

Just posting two more becuz I love them so much. :P

Because of You-Ne-Yo & Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon

I Think of Moments Like These...

When I'm down I usually think of random things, sayings, moments that I've shared with people...happy ones of course. This one came in mind today. Actually its come to mind a lot of times. Just because my sister said it and my sister is just a m a z i n g.


Me: I feel like my heart was just put in a blender.


Paola: Put it on ice, some brugal, y listo! one heart daquiry will teach people not to fuck with you no more!! TRY IT! After the fisrt drink, it taste bitter, but the rest will go down and give you strength, courage, and a brand new steel heart!

Family is the best medicine.

It's Almost Time....Yet It's Too Late.

My grandfather is dying. It's been such a long time since I've seen him....because I was too scared to see him like this and now it's too late. He won't remember me. My grandfather is dying. He's been slowly dying for a while...and I was too much of a coward to go see him when he was still able to smile. So that I can hug him and see him curve those lips into that warm smile he had. So that I can say I love him. He's dying & now all I that I can do is go and say goodbye.

Heartbroken.
Darleny.

I Am Not Alone In This Web of Mine...

"Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone.....Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone"- Glitter in the Air-Pink


You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die. A spider's life can't help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone's life can stand a little of that.
Charlotte, "Charlotte's Web"




I. A M. N O T. A L O N E


-a sleepless but in all.....content.....Darleny.

Loss of Words.

You ever have those days where there is so much you want to say but you don't even know where to begin?

I don't know what to write, but I want to write, I feel like I have to because truth is this always makes me feel better...even when I'm already feeling good......you feel me? Usually when I can't really describe what I'm feeling I look for quotes or even think back to song lyrics that will reflect what's on my mind. I'm B L A N K. I don't know meng. Maybe all my emotions are just cancelling eachother out...is that even possible? lol

Or maybe it's just anger that's really taking over. lol. 23 hours out of the day I want to punch somebody in the face. I seriously don't know what's wrong with me. I think it's my job. I've been there for 7 years and my co workers and the patients are just urking the living crap out of me. I mean I told a patient that she needed to check herself the other day. Who does that? I DO. My co-worker/my wannabe boss... bitched at me about going on line at work...how it really bothers her and I straight up told her I don't give a fuck . Oh and let's not forget that anytime one of the doctors tells me to take an x-ray I've literally thought of jamming my pen into one of their eyeballs. Sick right? I mean give me a room with a whole bunch of shit I could break and it's on ...don't ask me why... these things shouldn't be bothering me.

Anyway....LIGHTBULB!! I think the reason I feeling so -weird-(for the lack of a better word) today is because of this crazy ass dream I had last night. I dreamt that my father was hit by a car and that he died. The dream better yet...this nightmare revolved around his wake and funeral. It was horrible. I've never had a dream like that....coffin and everything. I wonder what it means??

Well that's all folks..my bed awaits me.
This was a shitty blog entry....eh fuck it.
D

THE B E S T.

THE ABSOLUTE

BEST PERFORMANCE

OF THE 2010 GRAMMYS.

Just Sayin.......I think so.

P. S.

Travis Barker..I N S A N E on those drums.

I FORGOT.

I had so much fun tonight.
I had so much motherfucking fun that I forgot I was so angry.
I had so much fun that I forgot how I wanted to sooooo badly say........FUCK YOU.
I had so much fun, so............FUCK YOU.


YEAH YOU.

Losing Weight.....Greek Yogurt????

So...losing weight has been my battle. Everyone who knows me...knows this. Two years ago I got myself a trainer and became this gym obesessed freak. I lost a total of about 35 pounds and I never felt better. I had energy, I had confidence. I was healthy. I was happy. Soooooooooooo I've gained like 20 of it back. Yup typical me....always up and down up and down. If anybody knows how hard this shit is....it's me.

I'm back on my grind again..or wait A L M O S T back on my grind.
-__- Yesterday I went grocery shopping for my "healthy" food. Got my meals set...got my protein shakes, got my workout routines ready. Now only if I could get my lazy ass to the gym. I hate this shit, I really really do.....buttttttt as I already know it will be all worth it in the end.

Anyway point of this blog was to express my deepest disgust for greek yogurt. In skimming through the isles at shoprite I came across Chobani greek yogurts. Now, I have heard wonders about this stuff. "It's sooooo good. It's thicker and better tasting with less fat and calories!!"Oh my Jesus I have never tasted something so disgusting in my life. It's like I put a spoon of powdered chalk in my mouth. If losing weight means greek yogurt.............my ass will stay fat(but luscious) :0).........seriously.


P.S.

About three hours later...........just got back from the gym :) yessssssss!

Believe. Con Todo el Corazon.

Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want, everything you want. Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is gonna come from, the next smile, the next wish come true. But if you believe that it's right around the corner, and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it. You just might get the thing you're wishing for. The world is full of magic. You just have to believe in it. So make your wish. Do you have it? Good. Now b e l i e v e in it. With all your heart.




quote from Lucas Character One Tree Hill.
D

Dear Haiti,

I was on the eliptical machine last night at the gym when a video popped up on the TV in front of me.... This is a picture of a boy being pulled out from under the rubble in Haiti...

I literally almost fell off the machine....The video is a lot more emotional but this picture shows a smile that reminds them of the importance of faith and hope. I don't think I've ever felt that happy and that sad all at the same moment & tears came rolling down my face........


God Bless.

P.S.
Appreciate EVERYTHING.

Pacey! I Heart You.....LMAO

I DON'T WANNA WAITTTTTT FOR OUR LIVESSSS TO BE OVERRRRR!!!! So I'm going through this hilarious but really ridiculous, I mean pathetic Dawson's Creek phase. LMAO. I used to be obsessed I mean OBSESSED with this show. I find myself drifting back to Pacey fantasies every now and then. Seriously, I've watched a whole bunch of episodes online. I can't help it lol I don't know why. I'm a crazed Dawson's Creek lunatic. I've even thought of buying the boxed set>>>>>yup. What can I say I'm a sucker for love stories. & these shows, they bring me back....I was that girl....you know the tomboy who secretly fantasized about the captain of the basketball team sweeping her off her feet....the one who watched these shows and imagined it was her who got to kiss Jashua Jackson (then again who wasn't that girl.) GOSH. I'm 24 years old and watching love scenes between Pacey and Joey STILL gives me butterflies.... what the hell??!!?? Other than that though I did like that alternative 90s music era. yeahhhhhh you guys know...that whole Paula Cole, Sarah Mclaughlin, Tonic, Howie Day, Goo Goo Dolls, Matchbox 20, allllll that stuff . Wow, it feels like 8th grade was just yesterday. I don't know maybe lately this is the escape to my reality...but it's always fun to watch these shows....It's my guilty pleasure. Besides admit it...you used to watch the reruns on TBS too!!! :)

-a surprisingly giddy today.....Dee

Mommy Dearest

“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.”- Washington Irvington

“Mothers are all slightly insane.”- J.D. Salinger

I had a mother -daughter pow wow last night. The whole world ceases to exist when I am with this woman. We had 1,001 conversations last night. We drank white zinfandel and sang till 4 in the morning lol. She is the only person that can call me "hija de la gran puta."..and I can still feel her extraordinary love.

She speaks volumes to me without saying one word.

I love hanging out with her.....she is definatley one of the coolest people I've ever known. <3

^^^ not the best of pics...but definately a hilarious moment with her.

Inhale.......Exhale.

So I had a conversation, or better said a textversation, with an old friend last night. We we practically insperable since we were kids up until this summer. She kind of just dissappeared. I didn't really understand why. I was angry that she just stopped being around without and explanation at all. Anyway just recently we've become reaquainted. Nothing close to how it used to be just a hey, hello, how are you kind of thing. I let her know yesterday of something that's been on my mind for the past month.
That I understand. I finally get why she left. She has truly made a life for herself, the one she's always wanted. She went off did her thing without giving a damn what anyone else thought. To me that's quite inspiring. It doesn't mean she didn't care about our friendship, more like she felt she needed to be on her own so she can "find herself"(again cliche but true) She needed to break away from the rountine that became our lives, from all the bullshit and drama that had become our friendship. It's called fucking GROWING UP.

& I know all this because right now I feel exactly the same way. I guess I wouldn't have realized that if it wasn't for all the bullshit that has transpired over the last month. Because it wasn't my choice to walk away from a certain friendship more like I was told to go fuck myself.....I truly felt I was falling apart. I erased my blog, put down my facebook, and literally stayed home and I wanted nothing to do with anybody. Though it all still hurts, I've got to let it go. I have to be my own person....not be afraid to move on...not give in to opinions, manipulations, interpretations. Though there are pieces of myself that I have yet to find..parts I need to put together, I know the type of person I am. Regardless. I know there have been people who have tried to drill this into my head for quite some time now....I guess I just needed to see it for myself.

ThingsChange.PeopleLeave.

but

Life Doesn't Stop for Anybody

& that's just the way it is.

Just.Do.It.

So it was 9:13 this morning I'm still half asleep, and I have to be at work at 9:30. I can't get myself out of bed it's ridiculous. Every night I set up my alarm to wake me up at 7 am only to wake up two hours later the next morning. It's so frustrating because it fucks up my whole day. I used to have a morning routine and then everything would fall into place as the day went by. Now, everything is just chaos. I need energy-need to go back to the gym. I've become so lazy. I don't like lazy me, she stays home all day and downloads songs and watches TV. The me with energy? That fierce bitch wants to climb mountains and ride hot air balloons just because she can. So on that note, about a month ago I made a list consisting of 21 things I've never done that I want to do over the course of 2010. I was thinking......why stop at 21? In the past two days alone I've thought of fifteen more things that I want to try.

Let me start over...

I AM going to do these things and I'm giving myself zero limits....none of anykind. I am not going to make up a list and I'm sure as hell not going to plan anything out. Everything with me is so damn pre-meditated. I've often witnessed that the most random acts turn out to be amazing, unforgettable experiences.Maybe it's "soul searching"..."finding myself' or whatever. Point is there is a whole unknown world out there waiting for me....waiting for YOU to discover it. Call it cliché .....but I'm off. I'll keep you posted (;

Thank You....

ForComingBack...

Music...

"I hope I see you soon, Because you’re fond of me and I am fond of you. These days I guess that’s all it takes, That and just a few mistakes...

So tonight I’ll be your Brooklyn, So cold and yet so far away, Just tell me what you want for me to say, And if it brings you home…"

Song: Brooklyn

Artist: Wakey Wakey

so I've been watching a lot of tv lately. this show One Tree Hill (one of my favs) has amazing music...

^^^the song mentioned above is absolutely BEAUTIFUL

I mostly love the piano...and watching him play on the show was awesome...spent a couple of weeks trying to find the name of song and artist and finally found it by going to the show's website DUH.

Anyway you people might not have as much time on your hands as I do butttt I often pay attention to songs on random commercials and shows and they have turned out to be my favs....seriously...

Anyway this song makes me smile & thought it was blogworthy...

So there you have it.

This Too Will Pass....I Promise Myself.

It fills up with words that remain unsaid between the world and I. Words I want to scream out loud. Questions that I have, insecurities I wish would crumble. As days go by I find it harder to breathe...harder to stay awake because the thoughts go away once I fall asleep. I don't know what to do to make it right. Don't know why I NEED to make it right. Unhappy and don't even know the reasons why. When I get the courage to speak the words don't make sense and what I actually feel...what I actually mean is drowned out by opinion, manipulation, interpretations. The words are inrecognizable to me. Why do I care? What they think? It really is never going to be good enough. Why am I not strong? I don't understand myself. Turn me inside out and it still it can't be seen. I need someone or someTHING...I call out..I can be heard...but impossible to be LISTENED to.....I am alone...I WANT to be alone....and at the same time I DON'T...because I am scared.....scared to finally understand and not like what I have found. Who I really am has lost herself in who they want me to be... in who they think I am...I don't know the difference anymore......My mind.....it fills up with words that remain unsaid between the world and I & so I am undone. I have a headache....I have a heartache...talking no longer makes the pain go away. & this pain has nothing to do with THEM and everything to do with ME.