I Kiss My Life...

I repeat a quote I used in a last blog just because I've become quite an aquaintance to this situation, one too many times.




"things change. people leave. but life doesn't stop for anybody." (well unless you die).

I have to stop being this person that thinks she is ALWAYS doing something wrong. I mean I know I've made mistakes but...damn. Sometimes I just don't deserve the bullshit treatment I get. & it comes in so many different ways. It's about friends who abandon you, guys who break your heart, fathers who lie, coworkers who talk shit behind your back. Not everyone will understand you, not everyone is going to be there after a night you thought was special, not everyone will want to sit and listen when you are going through some pain. people who want to be there will. i GET it........I really do. & it's all okay.

I kiss my life because I've only got one to live.with or without you.

-dee

Family Affair

I have three sisters and two brothers, an enormous amount of uncles, aunts, nieces and nephews. Very rarely do we ever hangout and when we do it always ends in disasters. I've always been envious of families that have sunday dinners and go on trips together. My family isn't like that. My mother has always been the evil "step mother" my father always the one who is "never there". One sister never got enough attention, the other too much...the other was just stuck in the middle. My brother not really my fathers felt, lost. And my lil brother Andrew is.......the result of an affair. Then there's me sitting back always experiencing and almost out of body experience. Looking at everything from above. Always wanting us to just get along, to love eachother, to appreciate eachother. Always waiting for what I'm beginning to think is impossible, always hoping for.......Unity.

my heart's a little sad today.

Dar.

Dear Summer...I can feel you already.

I'm finally on spring break and my mind is full of thoughts,and ideas on my plans for this summer.  I want to do so many things and I always say Im going to do them and I never do. Remember my hot air balloon idea? Yea. That never happened. lol .....I started of school in September setting goals for myself. I didn't want to just pass Nursing School I wanted to be GREAT at it. So far.....so good. It feels good to actually accomplish something you said you would do. So...my plans are the same for the summer. I don't ever want to come home this summer and stay home. It doesn't mean I want to go clubbing everynight...what I mean is I want to do other things than just comeback home after work, take a shower, and get ready for bed...booooringggggg. I want to go bike riding, hit up the city for a broadway show and some ice cream. Take a day and go to AC and do some gambling...maybe take salsa classes, spend every hot weekend in a beach or pool..preferably the beach. Take my little brother to the zoo, spend and evening or two or three lol in Soho's West Broadway. Anyway you get my drift. I've had a great year. I've worked harder than I've worked for anything ever. I don't want to get a head of myself but I'm sure this semester will end the way I want it to so why not hope AND work for  a ridiculously awesome summer?

PS
I'm throwing in keeping a budget in there somewhere lol. I've been working on that for a couple of months now. I'm preparing myself for the beginning of the rest of my life people!!! I'm getting there :) Oh. and 94 on my last exam....THAT is blogworthy lol.

Who Said I Can't Do it??? Well... They Were Wrong.

"I'm stronger and better and ready for whatever."

That's definitely my motto for this year. I think the endorfins are kicking in from working out, because I feel A-MAZING. Got a test on Monday which I think I'm going to do pretty awesome in. I'm confident....for the first time in a long time.............and that all by itself is blogworthy. :)

Life is but a Moment.

“The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise. It is not that we seize them, but that they seize us.”- Ashley Montagu

I got to thinking. We have so many moments that shape us. So many little moments through out the day that make us..that break us...and sometimes we don't even realize what's happening. Today I just can't stop thinking about how many incredible moments I've had in my life that I've either been to blind to recognize or to caught up in stupid shit to appreciate them.  Blame it on Japan. I mean I'm here today. I might not be tomorrow.  Who knows some big ass Tsunami could come out of NOWHERE and wash away everything, leaving no evidence of what a great life you had. I  feel that we often just go about our days without really thinking about how lucky we are. About how great we are. About how beautiful we are. Have you ever had someone look at you like your the only one that exists, like your smile can make everything great, even when they are at their BEST, that smile can still make it better? I have, but I was always to busy focusing on what I hated about myself...to realize that to someone, I'm perfect. Just the way I am. (my parents agree lol) I'm just feeling grateful today. To have the family that I have, the friends that I have, to be alive, and to be loved.

;) Good Night bloggers.

Untitled

La ternura de tus ojos, dulzura de tus besos
La calma que llevas por dentro
  todo lo tuyo me envuelve
en un capullo donde solamente existimos los dos
entregandonos el alma.
El amor es tan.....delicioso.
Aprovechalo
Y si no, se va...lentamente pero ciertamente olvidandose de ti.
Chocando sobre ti la realizacion que el tiempo y la oportunidad se revala de tus manos.



<3

Here I Go Again...

I'm good in MIND. I have my moments like anyone else...but overall, I'm good, I am tranquila(calm)...I just love that word in spanish lol.

My SPIRITS are up. Spring is around the corner. I LOVE spring.

Time to work on my BODY.  No not because it's almost summer, but because I'm unhealthy. I HATE being unhealthy. So  I went back to the gym on Monday. Feels great to be back. I'm taking it slow though. I have school, so that's my focus but I'm pretty sure exercise will only make me feel better, and help me STAY focused.

Here I go again.........you watch me.

A Determined, Dar :)

Love or Something Like It...

All things love...
& you all know I'm a sucka for love <3

I Chose Right.

I thought I wouldn't be writing so much...but like I've already posted, sleep seems to stay far far away from me. Just got back from my first night back to med-serg clinical rotation at Christ Hospital. Had a great clinical night. So, I helped my clinical group with this very interesting patient, helped irrigate his NG tube, clean his stoma/changed his colostomy bag. For anybody reading this, if you don't know what the above means lol google it. Anyway, sad story with this patient. He is completely depressed, so depressed that he can't even perform ADL's (sorry that means he can't even do routine things like feeding himself of bathing himself) You, see he was diagnosed with Diabetes quite some time ago and all he really dedicated himself to was his job. Well his job layed him off and he got so depressed that he just stopped taking care of himself. He is 55 years old & he can't talk, he is on oxygen, he's suffered a stroke, he has a huge ulcer on his back connected to a drainage device, he has a catheter, and he has a colostomy and he has a tube inserted into his stomach for feeding.  :( It was horrible to see. But we all took care of him. Cleaned him up, changed his sheets, gave him his meds & at the end of it I reached for his hand and reassured him that we were going to be there tomorrow to take care of him. He squeezed my hand a gave me this look. like THANK YOU.  & that's why I want to do this, that's why I chose to take this direction because although so many people out there say to me "I can't clean shit for the rest of my life or oh man you have to deal with blood and vomit and blah blah blah." , I know that the truth is, I'm going to be touching peoples lives. I'm going to help people feel better and though I know I won't be able to save EVERYONE's life...I'm always going to have those moments, those patients that are going to make it worth while.

I had a good clinical night........something's still off.
so, I'm off. Good night bloggers.
-Dee

12.45 AM

Quarter to 1am and I can't sleep. That's not unusual for me lately...got a lot on my mind. One of them definitely being school. I think my brain is just constantly on the go now. Even when I tell my mind to go to  sleep it  just keeps working. I dream of colostomies, and therapeutic communication, injections and IV dosages. It's really never-ending. Another thing occupying my mind lately is how much I want to go back to the gym, make time for me to work out. Time just doesn't seem to  be my friend lately. I feel I don't have time for much anymore that doesn't involve being a grown ass responsible working student. Wake up..go to my 9-2, study 2-4, school 5:30-11pm. Where do my days go?? I really shouldn't be complaining I KNOW because things were going really really well lately. but....things are off right now. Maybe just tonight I'm feeling.........just off....after weeks of being.......on. Sheesh you would think I was bipolar.

I just need a moment. A pefect moment.  Maybe a smile, a kiss on the head, a brush on the lips, or a breath on my neck. A hug....or an I love you. Just for me. A completely, ridiculously blissful, perfect minute, just for me.

-darleny.