I FORGOT.

I had so much fun tonight.
I had so much motherfucking fun that I forgot I was so angry.
I had so much fun that I forgot how I wanted to sooooo badly say........FUCK YOU.
I had so much fun, so............FUCK YOU.


YEAH YOU.

Losing Weight.....Greek Yogurt????

So...losing weight has been my battle. Everyone who knows me...knows this. Two years ago I got myself a trainer and became this gym obesessed freak. I lost a total of about 35 pounds and I never felt better. I had energy, I had confidence. I was healthy. I was happy. Soooooooooooo I've gained like 20 of it back. Yup typical me....always up and down up and down. If anybody knows how hard this shit is....it's me.

I'm back on my grind again..or wait A L M O S T back on my grind.
-__- Yesterday I went grocery shopping for my "healthy" food. Got my meals set...got my protein shakes, got my workout routines ready. Now only if I could get my lazy ass to the gym. I hate this shit, I really really do.....buttttttt as I already know it will be all worth it in the end.

Anyway point of this blog was to express my deepest disgust for greek yogurt. In skimming through the isles at shoprite I came across Chobani greek yogurts. Now, I have heard wonders about this stuff. "It's sooooo good. It's thicker and better tasting with less fat and calories!!"Oh my Jesus I have never tasted something so disgusting in my life. It's like I put a spoon of powdered chalk in my mouth. If losing weight means greek yogurt.............my ass will stay fat(but luscious) :0).........seriously.


P.S.

About three hours later...........just got back from the gym :) yessssssss!

Believe. Con Todo el Corazon.

Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want, everything you want. Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is gonna come from, the next smile, the next wish come true. But if you believe that it's right around the corner, and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it. You just might get the thing you're wishing for. The world is full of magic. You just have to believe in it. So make your wish. Do you have it? Good. Now b e l i e v e in it. With all your heart.




quote from Lucas Character One Tree Hill.
D

Dear Haiti,

I was on the eliptical machine last night at the gym when a video popped up on the TV in front of me.... This is a picture of a boy being pulled out from under the rubble in Haiti...

I literally almost fell off the machine....The video is a lot more emotional but this picture shows a smile that reminds them of the importance of faith and hope. I don't think I've ever felt that happy and that sad all at the same moment & tears came rolling down my face........


God Bless.

P.S.
Appreciate EVERYTHING.

Pacey! I Heart You.....LMAO

I DON'T WANNA WAITTTTTT FOR OUR LIVESSSS TO BE OVERRRRR!!!! So I'm going through this hilarious but really ridiculous, I mean pathetic Dawson's Creek phase. LMAO. I used to be obsessed I mean OBSESSED with this show. I find myself drifting back to Pacey fantasies every now and then. Seriously, I've watched a whole bunch of episodes online. I can't help it lol I don't know why. I'm a crazed Dawson's Creek lunatic. I've even thought of buying the boxed set>>>>>yup. What can I say I'm a sucker for love stories. & these shows, they bring me back....I was that girl....you know the tomboy who secretly fantasized about the captain of the basketball team sweeping her off her feet....the one who watched these shows and imagined it was her who got to kiss Jashua Jackson (then again who wasn't that girl.) GOSH. I'm 24 years old and watching love scenes between Pacey and Joey STILL gives me butterflies.... what the hell??!!?? Other than that though I did like that alternative 90s music era. yeahhhhhh you guys know...that whole Paula Cole, Sarah Mclaughlin, Tonic, Howie Day, Goo Goo Dolls, Matchbox 20, allllll that stuff . Wow, it feels like 8th grade was just yesterday. I don't know maybe lately this is the escape to my reality...but it's always fun to watch these shows....It's my guilty pleasure. Besides admit it...you used to watch the reruns on TBS too!!! :)

-a surprisingly giddy today.....Dee

Mommy Dearest

“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.”- Washington Irvington

“Mothers are all slightly insane.”- J.D. Salinger

I had a mother -daughter pow wow last night. The whole world ceases to exist when I am with this woman. We had 1,001 conversations last night. We drank white zinfandel and sang till 4 in the morning lol. She is the only person that can call me "hija de la gran puta."..and I can still feel her extraordinary love.

She speaks volumes to me without saying one word.

I love hanging out with her.....she is definatley one of the coolest people I've ever known. <3

^^^ not the best of pics...but definately a hilarious moment with her.

Inhale.......Exhale.

So I had a conversation, or better said a textversation, with an old friend last night. We we practically insperable since we were kids up until this summer. She kind of just dissappeared. I didn't really understand why. I was angry that she just stopped being around without and explanation at all. Anyway just recently we've become reaquainted. Nothing close to how it used to be just a hey, hello, how are you kind of thing. I let her know yesterday of something that's been on my mind for the past month.
That I understand. I finally get why she left. She has truly made a life for herself, the one she's always wanted. She went off did her thing without giving a damn what anyone else thought. To me that's quite inspiring. It doesn't mean she didn't care about our friendship, more like she felt she needed to be on her own so she can "find herself"(again cliche but true) She needed to break away from the rountine that became our lives, from all the bullshit and drama that had become our friendship. It's called fucking GROWING UP.

& I know all this because right now I feel exactly the same way. I guess I wouldn't have realized that if it wasn't for all the bullshit that has transpired over the last month. Because it wasn't my choice to walk away from a certain friendship more like I was told to go fuck myself.....I truly felt I was falling apart. I erased my blog, put down my facebook, and literally stayed home and I wanted nothing to do with anybody. Though it all still hurts, I've got to let it go. I have to be my own person....not be afraid to move on...not give in to opinions, manipulations, interpretations. Though there are pieces of myself that I have yet to find..parts I need to put together, I know the type of person I am. Regardless. I know there have been people who have tried to drill this into my head for quite some time now....I guess I just needed to see it for myself.

ThingsChange.PeopleLeave.

but

Life Doesn't Stop for Anybody

& that's just the way it is.

Just.Do.It.

So it was 9:13 this morning I'm still half asleep, and I have to be at work at 9:30. I can't get myself out of bed it's ridiculous. Every night I set up my alarm to wake me up at 7 am only to wake up two hours later the next morning. It's so frustrating because it fucks up my whole day. I used to have a morning routine and then everything would fall into place as the day went by. Now, everything is just chaos. I need energy-need to go back to the gym. I've become so lazy. I don't like lazy me, she stays home all day and downloads songs and watches TV. The me with energy? That fierce bitch wants to climb mountains and ride hot air balloons just because she can. So on that note, about a month ago I made a list consisting of 21 things I've never done that I want to do over the course of 2010. I was thinking......why stop at 21? In the past two days alone I've thought of fifteen more things that I want to try.

Let me start over...

I AM going to do these things and I'm giving myself zero limits....none of anykind. I am not going to make up a list and I'm sure as hell not going to plan anything out. Everything with me is so damn pre-meditated. I've often witnessed that the most random acts turn out to be amazing, unforgettable experiences.Maybe it's "soul searching"..."finding myself' or whatever. Point is there is a whole unknown world out there waiting for me....waiting for YOU to discover it. Call it cliché .....but I'm off. I'll keep you posted (;

Thank You....

ForComingBack...

Music...

"I hope I see you soon, Because you’re fond of me and I am fond of you. These days I guess that’s all it takes, That and just a few mistakes...

So tonight I’ll be your Brooklyn, So cold and yet so far away, Just tell me what you want for me to say, And if it brings you home…"

Song: Brooklyn

Artist: Wakey Wakey

so I've been watching a lot of tv lately. this show One Tree Hill (one of my favs) has amazing music...

^^^the song mentioned above is absolutely BEAUTIFUL

I mostly love the piano...and watching him play on the show was awesome...spent a couple of weeks trying to find the name of song and artist and finally found it by going to the show's website DUH.

Anyway you people might not have as much time on your hands as I do butttt I often pay attention to songs on random commercials and shows and they have turned out to be my favs....seriously...

Anyway this song makes me smile & thought it was blogworthy...

So there you have it.

This Too Will Pass....I Promise Myself.

It fills up with words that remain unsaid between the world and I. Words I want to scream out loud. Questions that I have, insecurities I wish would crumble. As days go by I find it harder to breathe...harder to stay awake because the thoughts go away once I fall asleep. I don't know what to do to make it right. Don't know why I NEED to make it right. Unhappy and don't even know the reasons why. When I get the courage to speak the words don't make sense and what I actually feel...what I actually mean is drowned out by opinion, manipulation, interpretations. The words are inrecognizable to me. Why do I care? What they think? It really is never going to be good enough. Why am I not strong? I don't understand myself. Turn me inside out and it still it can't be seen. I need someone or someTHING...I call out..I can be heard...but impossible to be LISTENED to.....I am alone...I WANT to be alone....and at the same time I DON'T...because I am scared.....scared to finally understand and not like what I have found. Who I really am has lost herself in who they want me to be... in who they think I am...I don't know the difference anymore......My mind.....it fills up with words that remain unsaid between the world and I & so I am undone. I have a headache....I have a heartache...talking no longer makes the pain go away. & this pain has nothing to do with THEM and everything to do with ME.