experimenting.

I gained two pounds -_-.  I really really don't do well with stress. I had two tests today for school and I became so stressed over it I was eating like crazy. I was doing so well too. ugh. Good thing is I'm starting the gym back up tomorrow and I'm hoping that working out relieves some of the stress that I KNOW I'm going to get from school. I am doing it a little different this time, I'm starting off slow. My goal is to start off working out at least three days a week. I find that when I say I'm going to go everyday, I don't.  I end up overwhelming myself, stressing myself out and then......it all goes to shit.


Been getting into cooking lately. I've come to really really like it. I've been experimenting with  some recipes that I got from the food network and allrecipes.com and I have to say not only have they come out delish but they've been fun and easy to make. Here are some of the things I made throughout the week.

Ground turkey tacos I was out of whole wheat tortillas & used regular. I actually didn't use a recipe for this. I just seasoned some veggies threw them on the grill and threw them over the ground turkey I made. Topped it off with some shredded lettuce, homemade pico de gallo and vioalaaa. My parents loved this.  

Fajita style grilled chicken and veggies. I love using bright colors in my dishes. I love love love grilled veggies. No recipe here either.

Grilled portabello panini..this sandwhich was soooo good.  I used spinach, basil, sundried tomatoes and gorgonzola cheese. Topped it off with little bit of olive oil and balsamic vinegar. The flavors were amazing.

Tuna salad with spinach. I used the spinach leaves as  little wraps. Next time I'll make sure to buy bigger spinach leaves. I used Hellman's lowfat olive oil mayo, tomatoes, salt pepper and a hint of vinegar. Oh and I added little bits of fresh mozzerella cheese..it was yummmm.

Grilled chicken teriyaki stir fry...I didn't use too much teriyaki sauce, didn't want to turn this into a high calorie, high sodium dish. Pour this over some brown rice and you have a healthy delish dinner.

So Im no expert but I'm definitely having fun with this cooking thing...I'm hoping to get better and better at it. Well thats all for tonight. My weekend actually starts tonight. I have off from work and school tomorrow. So I'm going to take advantage and head to the gym, and relax. Have a nice weekend everyone. :)

tonight I want some company.

Update on my diet status...lost two more pounds so its a total of 13. I actually feel pretty darn good. I'm starting to feel a little bit more like myself and though I still have a long...long way to go. I feel like I'm getting off to a good start.  I've started to cook healthy foods again. I made a grilled chicken panini sandwhich for dinner.  I threw in some spinach, fresh mozz, roasted red and yellow peppers, olive oil and a tiny bit of balsamic vinegar. I had a tiny side salad with it. I have to say it was so good. I took it to class so that instead of heading to Dunkin Donuts on break, I had my nice lil healthy dinner. As I get more into this thing I'll post pictures and stuff of what Im eating and how I'm progressing. I'm excited and can't wait for the new and improved me. :)

Tonight I feel like having some company. This week was my first week back to school and as usual I was bombarded with information. I already have a test next week o.O So I'm home after a long night at school, its Friday and I almost called one of my girlfriends to go out for a drink but I just feel like having a different type of company tonight.  I don't really want to go out..its so cold out. I want someone to come visit me for a change. Bring over a bottle of wine and sit here and just talk to me for a few...& today I prefer a guy...I'd be lying if I told you otherwise.  Sometimes, its just so much better to sit and talk with a dude. I know you all must be wondering if I'm out of my mind, considering that I just posted not too long ago about some dude who was driving me nuts...but what can I say...can't live with them, can't live without them lol. I'm sure you all understand lol. Anyway, I'll probably just watch TV til I fall asleep...I'll spend the weekend getting mentally prepared for what's coming in this semester. Hope everyone has a lovely and safe weekend :)

Eleven.

So its been 10 days since the "intervention" and I've lost 9 pounds since then...is that normal??? I've lost a total of 11 pounds in 1 month....and I'm happy about it, I feel fucking great..but at the same time I'm like is my scale broken because 11 pounds seems like a lot for just one month. Whats even more shocking is that I'm not working out yet, I'm just doing the Herbalife diet which consists of replacing breakfast and dinner with a protein shake and then eating a normal but healthy lunch, you can find more info here. I have to say I've been feeling pretty good. I start working out next week. I also start school again next week. -_- joy. I need to really work on  a schedule. I want to be able to go to the gym and do school without stressing myself out so damn much. I LOVE how I feel when I work out...I LOVE being on what I call "fierce mode" I LOVE being able to box, I LOVE playing ball..I love how if feels when I'm active, and when I'm physically fit. I MISS feeling that way. So here I go again. This shit is hard, but I KNOW I can do it. So I'll keep you guys posted and if any of you out there, are trying to do the same, we'll do it together :)

intervention.

fun day today -_- not. so my parents, well mainly my father came into my room today to ask me about my eating habits because he's noticed that I've gained a lot of weight over the past months. It then turned into a very uncomfortable conversation about how I needed to lose weight, how he wasn't trying to hurt me or make me feel bad, that he was worried and wanted to be honest. I was so....embarrassed...I couldn't do anything but look down and cry...I couldn't even look at them in the face.  Imagine, your deepest most painful insecurities..now imagine someone you love pointing those very things out to your face. IT HURTS. ouch. Don't get me wrong I understand, I really do how they mean no harm but....I already know Im overweight. Ask me how many times I've looked at a mirror over the past months and I can count them with my hands. Because I don't want to look in the mirror. I don't feel healthy, I don't feel pretty and I definitely don't feel confident. & this isn't the first time...I've felt like this before...and I lost weight and I felt great and then I started school I stopped gyming it up, I got stressed I started eating and here I am.  This has been a battle all my life. Up and down Up and down Up and down. It sucks.. there is no other way to put it. Its a viscous, VISCOUS fucking cycle. In the words of that big dude in Austin Powers..."I eat because I'm unhappy, I'm unhappy because I eat."  Anyway not everything in this post will be negative. The upside of everything is, that I'm so hurt about this damn intervention that I'ts actually given me a push to just start taking care of this problem again. So grabbed a hammer and two nails and did this....

I nailed these jeans to my wall, because I need a constant reminder that I used to fit into these babies 1 year and 1/2 ago....and that when I fit into these jeans I was happy, and smiling and healthy and rockin that shit like....

& these are a size 12(im closing in on 18 right now).....they aren't some crazy size 0s cuz the truth is I will never be a size 0(I have a big ass no matter how much I lose)....and quite honestly I don't want to be. I was perfectly content with a size 12 ....if I get to an 8...cool. Point is I don't ever want an intervention again. It feels like shit.

Perfectly content I tell you.