After a Long Rough Day...

I'm in bed just thinking of the events of this day. Felt like taking a walk in the park tonight..because it is a gorgeous I mean gorgeous night but in all honesty I don't want to be out there alone. Just needed someone to talk to tonight but since there's really no one around, I have you blog. So long story short, my mother has been feeling crappy lately..many different things in the course of this year. Turns out she has two aneurysms in her brain. They don't know if she needs surgery yet. She has to get more tests done to see how big/serious they are. Let me tell you.......I am scared.

My mother had brain surgery about 20 years ago...I don't remember much of it. I just remember her being gone for some time...and then she was home...bald...staples across her head,,,and weak. The day she came home I remember I was so excited to see her and when I saw her...I couldn't believe she was my mother....but then she recovered. &  I don't remember anything about it. I just remeber her having hair again..and smiling and it was almost as if it never happened.

Here I am today...a 25 year old woman. Smart enough...aware enough of what is really going on...sitting across from my mother who is weeping like a child. Telling me " I don't want them to open me up again" and I'm strong..I look at her and say Mami...you will be fine...besides...it"s 2011 there are many other ways of treating this problem other than full open (brain) surgery.

But deep down I'm scared....and praying.....that I won't ever have to look at my mother and see what I saw that day she came back from the hospital 20 years ago. My mother doesn't deserve it.