intervention.

fun day today -_- not. so my parents, well mainly my father came into my room today to ask me about my eating habits because he's noticed that I've gained a lot of weight over the past months. It then turned into a very uncomfortable conversation about how I needed to lose weight, how he wasn't trying to hurt me or make me feel bad, that he was worried and wanted to be honest. I was so....embarrassed...I couldn't do anything but look down and cry...I couldn't even look at them in the face.  Imagine, your deepest most painful insecurities..now imagine someone you love pointing those very things out to your face. IT HURTS. ouch. Don't get me wrong I understand, I really do how they mean no harm but....I already know Im overweight. Ask me how many times I've looked at a mirror over the past months and I can count them with my hands. Because I don't want to look in the mirror. I don't feel healthy, I don't feel pretty and I definitely don't feel confident. & this isn't the first time...I've felt like this before...and I lost weight and I felt great and then I started school I stopped gyming it up, I got stressed I started eating and here I am.  This has been a battle all my life. Up and down Up and down Up and down. It sucks.. there is no other way to put it. Its a viscous, VISCOUS fucking cycle. In the words of that big dude in Austin Powers..."I eat because I'm unhappy, I'm unhappy because I eat."  Anyway not everything in this post will be negative. The upside of everything is, that I'm so hurt about this damn intervention that I'ts actually given me a push to just start taking care of this problem again. So grabbed a hammer and two nails and did this....

I nailed these jeans to my wall, because I need a constant reminder that I used to fit into these babies 1 year and 1/2 ago....and that when I fit into these jeans I was happy, and smiling and healthy and rockin that shit like....

& these are a size 12(im closing in on 18 right now).....they aren't some crazy size 0s cuz the truth is I will never be a size 0(I have a big ass no matter how much I lose)....and quite honestly I don't want to be. I was perfectly content with a size 12 ....if I get to an 8...cool. Point is I don't ever want an intervention again. It feels like shit.

Perfectly content I tell you.